obvious observations & rambling rants

I love this dress

2011-07-07T10:12:00.000-05:00

Seriously, this is a gorgeous dress. If I knew how to sew at all, I would try to make it for myself. I'm obsessed. I want to wear it with fake pearls and heels, go out to dinner and generally feel fancy. You just can't find dresses like this anymore (that cost under $100). Love it!

1950's Fred Perlberg Chiffon Prom dress

Source: flickr.com via Nashira on Pinterest

Proud of a politician?

2011-05-05T14:32:00.000-05:00

I usually take everything any politician says with a grain of salt, but once in a while I get surprised. Today, MN State Rep. Steve Simon made me proud to live in Minnesota.

A constitutional amendment was recently proposed in Minnesota to officially declare marriage as a union between a man and a woman. You've heard all the arguments about how gay people should be allowed to be as miserable as all the other married folks, how divorce is rampant and the institution of marriage is a sham nowadays anyway, but I have never heard someone so eloquently defend a person's right to love another. Right around the 1:00 mark is when he really got me. The gist of what Steve Simon said is as follows: if there's any chance that sexuality is innate, and not a product of environment...if it's even POSSIBLY TRUE, then ask yourself what that does to your moral argument against gay marriage? If there's even a remote chance, how does your argument hold up?

That's a powerful thought. As adamantly as you may be against it, if you even think there's a small possibility that sexuality is a gift from God, then consider the holes that puts in a religious argument. I've never heard a better, more concise argument for gay marriage, and I'm proud to repost this speech.

How many more gay people does God have to create before we ask
ourselves whether or not God actually wants them around?

Email Spam-a-lot

2011-03-08T09:59:00.000-06:00

I have a bone to pick with Qdoba. I have tried, for the past 2 months, to unsubscribe from Qdoba's promotional emails. Tried UNSUCCESSFULLY, might I add. You can't trick people into receiving your emails. If I want to unsubscribe, you have to let me. That's how this works! Every single time I go to unsubscribe, I get an error message. I went so far as to contact their customer service department directly and have yet to get a response. Yeah, NOW you don't want to email me.

Come on, Qdoba. You have not only annoyed me to the point of moving to the ever-avoided spot on my email's "blocked" list, but you've also ensured that all my business will go to Chipotle.

Chipotle thanks you.

You know you're comfortable when...

2011-01-06T09:18:00.000-06:00

you and your significant other go grocery shopping and you think it's a date. And it was one of the best dates you've had in a while.

Either that's too comfortable, or it's just easier to enjoy the simple things after a while. That's not such a bad thing after all.

The exact right thing to say

2010-11-05T10:07:00.001-05:00

I saw this interview between Ellen Degeneres and her wife, the gorgeous Portia de Rossi, this morning and had to post it. I didn't post it for all the talk about eating disorders, weight issues, self-esteem issues. The part that stuck with me was at the very end. I think Ellen does something that everyone wishes for in a partner, a friend, family member - she says the exact right thing at the exact right moment. I hope that one day I get the rare opportunity to say the exact right thing to my boyfriend, friend, brother, mom, or whoever it may be exactly when they need to hear it.

If you don't want to watch the whole thing, just scroll to the 5:40 mark

It's all politics...until someone loses an eye

2010-11-03T13:48:00.001-05:00

I love the passionate debates about politics. I love discussions that revolve around politics. These are the things that make America great - we can share our opinions openly, which should lead to people being more educated and in the know about what's going on in this country. It's so great to see that people care! What I don't like, are the personal attacks and the emotional digs at the expense of whoever it may be that you disagree with.

Now, I happen to have a lot of faith in human nature. Perhaps this is misplaced faith, I'm not sure, but I'll be damned if I'm not going to keep this faith. Without it, I would just go crazy with fear and skepticism. Knowing this, it's easy to see why I believe that politicians do not have an inherent desire to sabotage their respective city/state/country. I will never believe that a politician WANTS to completely screw the general public. None of them WANT to do the exact wrong thing. They're all trying to do what they feel is right. They could be dead wrong. Who's to say the other guy would've done better? We'll never know. The main idea is that politicians generally want to do the right thing, don't they? Isn't that the point?

Everyone has an opinion. I have plenty of opinions. I don't generally like politics because I think it's a shady business that I can't quite wrap my head around. But, I also think going into politics is either a very noble or very stupid career move. You're guaranteed to have at least some of the population dislike you. You're constantly defending your actions. You have anywhere from a few hundred to a few million supervisors - try answering to that many people at your job. Does not sound like fun. And, if you're not perfect, which is a guarantee for all of humankind, you have that many people to point their fingers at you and let you know how much you suck at your job. This is what a politician knows he's getting into when he starts his political career. It shouldn't come as a surprise and he should expect it. That doesn't make the job any easier.

So, please remember that even politicians want to be good at their jobs and do the right thing.

Either that, or they're all assholes.

All I know about advertising I learned from football

2010-10-19T09:26:00.000-05:00

Everything I know about advertising I learned from football on Prezi

I'm not a Mormon, but I wouldn't mind hearing more

2010-10-08T15:59:00.000-05:00

There's been a lot of backlash online about this "I am" campaign that's running right now. I hear the commercials on the radio at least once a week, and I love them. Listen, if you want to be skeptical that's fine, but I have to say I'm pretty impressed by the message they're sending. The first time I heard a commercial I kept thinking, "What is this? I want to meet these people" and hearing "I'm a Mormon" at the end was the last thing I expected. Talk about a great way to change people's perceptions of who you are.

I won't pretend I know a ton about Mormonism and maybe if I learned more I wouldn't totally agree with the faith. And maybe these commercials are hawking some political agenda. I don't know. But, I still think the commercials are great. I would love to hear more groups speak about individuality, accepting different religions, etc. All I know is, every time I hear the commercial I think this is exactly the type of group I'd love to be sharing my spirituality with. So I guess, the message is working for me.

Are you insane? I actually feel crazier after having watched you!

2010-09-29T17:07:00.001-05:00

Dude, you're the ASSISTANT ATTORNEY GENERAL. You're harassing a young man that is a STUDENT ASSEMBLY PRESIDENT AT A COLLEGE. These positions are not on the same level! There are literally no words.

All I know is, Chris Armstrong not speaking about it and not talking to the
media is only making him look all the better. Kudos to you, Chris.

Stuck in fantasy football madness...and I can't find my way out!

2010-09-26T22:02:00.000-05:00

So, I decided to get on board with fantasy football this year. I started out slow, only joining one league, but one league is all it takes to bring out the competition. Now, instead of enjoying football Sunday as usual, I spend half the day checking my fantasy team's stats and obsessing over what went right or wrong!

Weeks 1 and 2 went real nicely for me and lured me into a sense of comfort. Going 2-0 right off the bat can make you very cocky way too early in the season. Then, quicker than you can say "Chris Johnson", you're in the meat of week 3 with your team going up in flames! The worst part is, I have a really good team. If I would've just left everything alone, I'd be smoking my competition again this week. But NOOOOO, I had to go and drop Dallas's Defense for Tampa Bay's D. Guess who only got 3 points this week and guess who got 13? And I thought I'd get real smart and start McCoy over Charles this week at Running Back. Awesome idea. If I had done it last week! Now I have to count on my QB and Kicker to make up a 20+ point differential. Luckily, my QB and kicker come from the best team in America, the Green Bay Packers.

With that said, Sundays have evolved from a day of beer, chips and a nice seat on the couch to a day of player tracking and worrying or gloating (depending on how my team is doing at any given moment). And you know what? I think might like it.

Besides all the whining and inevitable mid-game uncertainty, this is fun!

"Are we run by A-holes? Indeed"

2010-09-24T09:30:00.000-05:00

Know why I like getting my news from Jon Stewart? Because he's an equal opportunity cynic. He will cut down Democrats and Republicans alike, which ironically gives me some of the most unbiased news out there. (I do realize he's a liberal comedian, and do take this into account.) The way the DADT bill was shot down does seem comical - it's like two groups of bullies got together in the school courtyard for a face-off that they knew would never come to a head, but neither wanted to seem like a pansy so they showed up anyway. Ah, politicians. The greatest minds in the country.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

Are We Run by A**holes?

www.thedailyshow.com

Daily Show Full Episodes

Political Humor

Tea Party

"It Gets Better" - A tribute to all the teens I've known who went through hell, but came out smiling on the other side

2010-09-22T11:32:00.000-05:00

I love this movement that's happening. Such a simple message to gay kids everywhere: don't worry, it gets better. And really, this couple sums up everything great about moving forward and society in general becoming more accepting. The second you leave high school, all the things you were so worried about for 4-6 years are gone, because you don't have to see any of those people anymore if you don't want to. Seriously, you can just say hi and walk away, how liberating!

I think this message applies to people in general, not just gay teens. I had quite an awkward period of self-loathing myself. I hated how tall I was - never thought I could rock a hot pair of stilettos because of it - how wrong I was. I'm dating a man that is shorter than me and I love wearing 4-inch heels when we go out. It does get better. A little tidbit I learned as an adult, long legs are beautiful, and heels only make them look longer. I was dating a man that was an asshole and made me feel horrible about myself. Guess what? It gets better. As an adult you meet so many people, you can pick out the assholes from the nice ones much faster.

So, thank you for this movement, I think we can all relate and admit that it can and will get better.

This girl should teach driver's ed

2010-06-04T16:49:00.001-05:00

This girl parks her bike better than the stunt man from the last batman movie. This is awesome. Approximately 80% of the females I know can't parallel park - it takes this girl less than 5 seconds. With a sweet tricycle to boot.

Watch and learn, ladies. Watch and learn.

To CEOs everywhere: remember what it's like to be HUMAN

2010-05-28T09:47:00.004-05:00

Please, show a little compassion.
This post is mainly aimed at the CEO of BP, but I think he's making a mistake that many CEOs make. He's forgetting how to think like a normal human being. (Not to mention the whole oil thing, but that's not the issue I'm addressing here. That falls way beyond my knowledge.)

The issue at hand here, is that I want you, Tony Hayward, to FREAK THE HELL OUT when you're giving interviews about this oil spill! Show a little emotion! Pretend you're terrified if you have to! There is oil spilling into one of our oceans INDEFINITELY until someone figures out what to do, so please look alive and be panicked like the rest of us! How is your PR department not telling you to show a little emotion?!

I appreciate the fact that recently you've finally admitted this is an "environmental catastrophe" instead of just stating that the impact would be "modest". That's a step in the right direction. I'm sure you realize people's livelihoods and the lives of countless wildlife is at stake here. Not to mention the long term impact this could have on the environment as a whole. So, stop thinking like a CEO for a moment - a CEO that wants his company to look good - and start thinking like a regular citizen of the world and show a little PANIC.

I actually think this would make you look better in the long run. I think we all realize you have absolutely no idea how to solve this problem, and I don't think anyone truly expects you to be the one to solve it. But seeing you give interviews where you're calm and speaking with almost no emotion is infuriating. You don't have to yell and scream or be panicked the entire time, but for a BRIEF moment I would love to believe that you are sad, upset and terrified about what's happened.

Tony Hayward, CEO of BP, I'll write your opening lines for you:

I don't know what to do! This spill is one of the most terrible environmental tragedies that has ever happened, and I don't know how to fix it! I'm scared and I'm sad and there's literally nothing I can say to make this better. It's horrible! We will try EVERYTHING we can to solve this problem and we will not stop working on it until we've found a solution. (maybe a small tear at the end would help with the impact)

So, a message to all you CEOs who continue to think about your company instead of pausing for a moment to consider how you would think if you were a normal, everyday person: show a little emotion, let us see you scared, if only for a brief moment. We'll actually respect you more in the long run, because at least we'll know you're just as scared as the rest of us and that you have a little fire under your ass trying to fix whatever problem it is you may be dealing with. Thanks.

Why is playing an instrument so much easier when you're young?

2010-05-12T14:54:00.001-05:00

Claire de Lune is one of my favorite all-time songs. If you don't already know it (which would be incredibly sad for you) please listen to it. It was written by Claude Debussy, who is one of history's piano greats. I'll only be slightly depressed if you only know the song because you saw Twilight the movie. I digress, here is my point: I WILL learn how to play Claire de Lune if it kills me!

It seems so simple - if I had undertaken this task in 6th grade I'd have the song done in a month, maybe 2. Now that I'm older and "wiser" I can barely get past the first page. How annoying. Why is it that the older I get, the worse I get at playing piano? It's so much harder to just pick up a piece of music and play so that it sounds remotely like the actual tune. It's a frustrating realization.

The fact that I don't currently have a piano but am trying to learn the song on my brother's keyboard is a whole other matter. People get all excited to give you a keyboard, but really a keyboard is just a crappy version of a piano. It's like someone telling you they got you a cake, then only giving you 3/4 of said cake - where's the rest of the cake?! That's how I feel about keyboards - there aren't enough keys. How am I supposed to learn a song like Claire de Lune when there aren't even enough keys on my "piano"?

This is a sorry excuse, though. In reality, I'm annoyed that I can't just pick up the music and play it. A song as great as Claire de Lune needs to be practiced and worked at before it's mastered. And that is exactly what I plan to do. Debussy and former tween piano skills, you won't get the best of me!

Let's get sentimental and celebrate Earth Day a week late!

2010-04-27T12:04:00.000-05:00

Even after all this time
The sun never says to the earth,
"You owe Me."

Look what happens with
A love like that,
It lights the Whole Sky.
- Hafez as translated by Daniel Ladinsky

I came across this poem and thought it was beautiful. Unconditional love in nature - I've never heard anything quite like this. And, not only is the message gorgeous, but the poem itself is brilliant in its simplicity. Simplicity is something I've never achieved in my writing, which makes me love this piece all the more. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have.

A little background on Daniel Ladinsky:
Ladinsky is an American poet who has loosely "translated" Hafez's poems. Instead of actually translating the work, Ladinsky interprets Hafez's work using his own language - he basically writes his own poetry that tries to parody the Hafez style. Apparently this is a source of discontent with some, but I don't see why it matters. This poem is beautiful no matter who wrote it. Kudos to Ladinsky for giving credit to Hafez for inspiring this wonderful poetry. The excerpt above is from Ladinsky's book The Gift.

That's right, I got all sentimental on your ass. Deal with it!

Technology both terrifies and excites me

2010-04-06T14:24:00.007-05:00

I saw a presentation today that really got me thinking - is it ok to have two very conflicting views on technology? I think it is.

I know that in 20 years there will be new advances the likes of which I can't even dream of. Well, now I've seen a man that has dreamed of it, at least to some extent. His name is Jesse Schell, and I'll describe him as a geekier version of Mitch Hedberg. He talks about the future of technology in ways only a game designer and imaginative tech geek ever could. And he does it with awkward humor, which is my personal favorite. Watching his presentation made me ponder these things:

Do I want "the man" knowing everything I watch, everything I buy?
Do I want "the man" to use this information to study me and my habits, then change the way they market products to me?
Will making my life a game make me enjoy it more?

The answer to all of these questions, ultimately, is yes. I do think if someone made everything I did in life into a game, I would enjoy it more. I would enjoy brushing my teeth for 2.5 minutes, 3 times a day if I got points every time I did it. I would enjoy getting a free tube of toothpaste every time I reached 1,000 points. I also think I would like seeing only ads that were geared towards my likes, my humor, my tastes. I'm ashamed to admit it, but if I'm honest with myself I really do think I'd like these things. I don't want to know they're happening and I find the idea pretty scary, but also exciting.

So, technology, I give you permission to study, play, and otherwise use me for your purposes. Just don't tell me when you're doing it.

Here's the presentation (about 30 minutes, but it goes by quickly,
or skip to theend when all the juicy stuff happens):

What happened to the comma?

2010-01-07T13:05:00.003-06:00

I don't know about you, but I miss the comma. For a while, all lists included more than one comma. One after the first object, one after the second, and ALWAYS one before the and/or. Comma, what happened to you?! You were there for a while, now you're gone. This, my friends, calls for a period of mourning.

Miss Ledvina, my 2nd grade teacher, taught me to place my commas before the "and" so I complied. Don't try to tell me she was wrong, I won't listen! Whose idea was it to omit the comma anyway, the comma dictator?

Alright, I'll be reasonable for a moment. I realize the numerous "list" commas may be unnecessary, but I don't care. I want it back, and I want it now.

As you can see I, for one, am a comma abuser. In fact, I've used a comma in every single sentence of this post. I even used two in some instances, just for good measure. Feel free to judge my excessive comma usage, because every time I read one of your comma-less sentences, you know I'll be judging you.

Beware the comma!

He bites.

Being allergic to stuff SUCKS! (and other allergy observations)

2010-01-07T11:13:00.008-06:00

You know those times when you've just eaten a great meal and you feel completely satisfied and ready for a nap? How about afterwards when you're blindsided by excessive bouts of diarrhea and vomiting, or when your throat closes up and you can't breath? I didn't think so. There are millions of people who have experienced this, and no matter how great the meal is, the consequences are never worth it. Trust me, I've thought it over. 3 hours in the bathroom does not make that piece of chocolate lava cake worth it.

My mom has Celiac disease, and it sucks. It's very likely that I will also get it later in life, and due to some of the symptoms I've been experiencing of late, it may be sooner than I'd like. This basically means that I can't eat normal sandwiches, which is my main concern. I mean, what about Erbert's & Gerbert's? The best part of eating one of their sandwiches is that you get the chunk of dough along with your sub, in all it's wheaty goodness. Well, with Celiac disease you can't eat that dough, or the sub itself because if you do, it will tear apart your small intestine. Lovely.

The worst part is that most people don't understand how to accomodate a person with allergies. I'll give you an example. (To dumb down Celiac, I'll say it's basically an allergy to wheat, barley, rye - all the best parts of a sandwich.) When my mom goes out to eat she has to tell the server that she's allergic to wheat, therefore cannot have any toast. Some of the responses we've gotten are, "Would you like a bagel? How about some cream of wheat?" No thanks waitress, I'd rather not barf on you today. Crutons are a whole other story - people never understand that my mom can't eat them. Even worse, restaurants often just pick the crutons right of the salad instead of making a whole new salad. This leaves crumbs that will still get my mom sick.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming restaurants or servers. It's not their fault that no one teaches them how to deal with the very common condition of food allergies. That's really the problem in a nutshell. When there are 12 million people in the U.S. suffering from food allergies, you would think we'd want everyone else in the world to understand what to serve someone with an allergy to nuts, wheat, eggs, milk, etc. I mean, these are really common foods! There must be a better way for a person with an allergy to feel normal when they go out to eat instead of constantly wondering if they're going to get sick after. Not to mention the 125,000 people that end up in the ER after eating something they probably thought tasted really good. What a downer. I personally find that eating a good meal is the equivalent to how a dog feels when you scratch just the right spot so his leg starts going crazy - it just hits the spot. Landing in the ER afterwards does NOT hit the spot.

This is getting lengthy so I'll leave you with this last story. When my mom got diagnosed we learned that Celiac disease is extremely common in Europe and that you can eat gluten-free without problems in places like Norway and Ireland. This news came after years of my mother being malnurished and sick because no one could figure out what was wrong with her. Are you kidding me?! How is that even possible?! I thought the medical community talked to each other - to learn that a disease is so common one place and rarely diagnosed here in America was a little disheartening. Times are a-changing though. It seems that scientists are actually speaking to each other now and are close to finding cures/aids for many food allergies. There are predictions that some allergies will have cures within 10 years. This is AWESOME because I want to be able to eat a nice slice of wheat bread when I'm 50! (Have you ever seen the potato bread? It's almost purple and crumbles apart in your hand. Don't even get me started on rice cakes.)

Thanks for listening to this rant. I'm a little bitter about the whole Celiac thing that's looming over my head, but I should quit bitching since I can't even imagine worrying about the whole peanut thing. That seems WAY worse. They can just smell a peanut and worry about going into shock! Or my friend Becky whose mouth just randomly blows up to the size of a small cantaloupe. It's funny to watch, but not so great when her throat starts closing. And she doesn't even know which foods are causing it. I digress. My main point is, YOU CAN HELP!

Listen up Wisconsinites, this is for you: Please call/write/email/send flares to Senators Kohl and Feingold to encourage them to support the food allergy cause. And you Minnesotans, I'm looking at you Favre, you can worry about Senator Franken. (Senator Klobuchar is already helping support the cause, woohoo!) The senators can help with things like labeling, helping kids in school actually eat lunch, continue research for cures, etc. It's really simple to get involved, visit http://www.faiusa.org/ to learn more.

Adolescence is hard enough, don't let this kid get beat up as a

teen just cuz someone HAD to have a peanut butter sandwich at lunch.

I Am Disappointed

2009-12-21T10:28:00.005-06:00

Last week, Brett Favre was at best, rude to his head coach and at worst, blatantly disrespectful. Either way, I hope that in the privacy of their own relationship. he gives Childress the apology Chilly deserves.

Don't get me wrong, I have been rude plenty of times in my life and I'm sure I will slip up plenty more. I'm not looking down from my high horse saying that Favre is a horrible man because he was rude. But, Brett Favre is on tv making statements confirming his disrespect, as well as confirming that he is truly running the MN Vikings at least in terms of his own play. I am not in the public eye and don't have millions of people watching me, and as far as I know I'm not a role model for too many kids. Brett Favre is. To be seen in a yelling match with your coach and then to admit to the press that you purposely ignored your coaches wishes and decided to do what you wanted, that does not show much honor.

Yes, Brett Favre is an amazing player and yes, he has the same if not more experience than all the coaches in the NFL. But he is not the head coach - he's a player and the coach is his boss.

I think Peyton Manning sums it up best, so take heed Favre - “Until any player in here is the head coach, you follow orders and you follow them with all of your heart. That’s what we’ve done as players. We follow orders."

When your boss tells you to do something, you follow orders.

Even if he does give you door-to-door service from your plane to the field.

Let it snow

2009-12-09T08:33:00.007-06:00

Here we are again, right in the beginning of snow season. It never ceases to amaze me how soon people forget how to dress, walk, and drive in snow. It happens every year - the basic principles of surviving in snow haven't changed in at least 25 years (perhaps they were different before that, I can't speak to 26+ years ago).

Here are some snow survival tips that may help you get through the winter:

DRESS ACCORDINGLY. Whether you're walking to work or on a pub crawl, you better be wearing a coat, scarf, gloves, and probably boots because...Surprise!...it's COLD OUTSIDE. Yes girls, this means you. I know you want to look cute despite the cold, but wearing a mini-skirt and leggings isn't going to cut it in this weather. If you're standing behind me in line, waiting to get into the bar, and I hear you bitching about how cold you are and asking if you can skip everyone I will be the first one to tell you to shut up and stay behind me! No, you cannot go in front of me just because you were too stupid and didn't put a coat on. Guess what? We're all cold, but the rest of us at least made the attempt to stay warm in the snowy, below 0 weather. If you decided a coat would ruin your outfit, then you better keep your mouth shut about the weather for the rest of the night. Unless you're admitting your ignorance, in which case someone may take pity on you and will at the very most try to shield you from the winter wind.
If it is snowing, will snow, or has snowed...check that...if there is any snow on the ground, WEAR BOOTS. Your heels, flats, tennis shoes, etc. will not keep your feet warm or dry when walking through snow. I'm not saying you have to go out and buy the fanciest winter boots. I'm a proponent of rain boots in snow. Sometimes you can't afford new boots and at least the rain boots keep your feet dry. With wool socks it's almost like having real winter boots! Nonetheless, make sure you keep your feet warm and dry, because walking around with cold, wet feet is miserable.
DRIVE SLOWER. No, you cannot drive at a regular speed when there is snow/ice on the ground. Even if you think the road is dry and you can easily make that turn at 25 mph, proceed with caution. The road is not dry, there's some black ice lurking atop the concrete surface that is ready to take you out. I don't want you to hit my car just because you think your car has some kind of super powers that allows you to drive as if its a balmy summer day. Be a cautious driver and slow down...unless you have chains on your tires, in which case your car may actually have super powers.
The last and most important of all rules, if you see someone slip and fall on the ice, ONLY LAUGH AFTER HELPING THEM UP/MAKING SURE THEY'RE OK. Walking on ice is hard, and if you're like me you're fairly likely to fall on at least a weekly basis. Falling is funny. You can't deny the humor. Seeing someone's feet fly out from under them so they land ass-up on the sidewalk will always make you chuckle. Laughing is completely acceptable, but don't be a jerk about it and just walk away. Make sure the poor faller isn't hurt! Only then can you and your new faller friend get a good laugh in.

Disclaimer: Said rules do not apply to polar bearing

The weather outside is frightful,
but your down coat is so delightful,
so grab your new mittens and go,
let it snow let it snow let it snow!

Living in -25 windchill doesn't come easy, so if you don't prepare, borrow your neighbor's long underwear!

I am a Tampon FunPack

2009-10-14T12:45:00.004-05:00

Disclaimer: Men, close your eyes and stop reading now because you're not going to like what you read.

Tampon funpacks. You know what I'm referring to, the packs that give you the supers, regulars, and lites all in one box. I love it, it's GENIUS! Here I was, thinking periods couldn't be any less exciting, and then they give me the funpack.

Everything you need is all in one wonderful package. That's just good marketing if you ask me. If you haven't already boarded the funpack train, get on now because it's moving!

You know what the best part is? You're always left with a few supers and a whole lot of lites, but since the regulars are out you have to buy a whole new box. I currently have 3 funpacks in my apartment that are just full of supers and lites. You know what that means. Time for another funpack.

My FunPack Headline:

Tampons: Now, bringing more FUN to your period!

I am COLD

2009-09-30T17:28:00.006-05:00

I'm cold. It's not even that cold outside, but here in the Midwest the drastic temp. change from 70 to 40 in one weekend really makes sure you feel that cold deep in your bones. Yes, it's cold outside. But, you ask, aren't you inside most of the time, where it's warm? You would think.

Unfortunately, my apartment manager decided that he wouldn't replace the boiler that has needed replacing since last winter. You know what that means for me? NO HEAT. Not even the option of heat. Not even a little inkling of warmth from one of the radiators. Nada. Nothing.

It may actually be colder inside my house than it is outside. At least the temperatures are very comparable. I can prove this because my shaving cream is actually curdling or is in some kind of weird half-frozen state that does not allow it to perform any actual shaving protection. Also, my mascara is becoming chunky and solid. This is not a conducive environment for living.

My Cold Headline:

This winter, when your heat is low and your insulation is bare,
there's only one way to stay warm...

TEQUILA. Freeze-proof and guaranteed to make you sweat.

I Am Peanut Butter (specifically Skippy Natural Creamy, and sometimes chunky)

2009-09-16T15:34:00.007-05:00

Peanut Butter, the caviar of all butters.

It's a miracle I haven't written about Peanut Butter before this. How I feel about peanut butter is equivalent to how a mother feels about her child. I love peanut butter like we're related. Almost as if I HAVE to love it - there's never been any choice in the matter.

PB is truly an integral part of my day. I often eat it 3 times a day whether on toast, celery, or just a spoon. No matter how it's eaten, I cannot imagine going through an entire day without delving into the deliciousness that is peanut butter.

Toast alone offers an infinite number of outlets for using peanut butter:

Toast + Butter + Peanut Butter (cholesterol schmolesterol, that shit is good)

Toast + Bananas + Peanut Butter (the Elvis)

Toast + Bacon + Peanut Butter (mmmmm bacon)

Toast + Bananas + Bacon + Peanut Butter (the Elvis with a twist)

Toast + Summer Sausage + Peanut Butter (don't knock it till you try it)

Toast + Potato Chips + Peanut Butter (crunchy!)

Toast + Bologna + Peanut Butter (mystery meat style-not quite as good as summer sausage)

The list goes on, and that's not even including jelly combinations.

I've already discussed my love for desserts, did I mention that the addition of peanut butter to ANY dessert automatically raises it's tastiness level x10? Yes, that angel food cake I ate for breakfast last month was lathered in peanut butter before I took a bite. Seriously, every dessert out there could use a little peanut butter. Pies, cakes, brownies, cookies, ice cream...even flan. The result is fantastic. (A good trick to remember is to dip your fork/spoon in the peanut butter before every bite. Sometimes it's just unrealistic to cover your dessert with pb before eating it.)

Sometimes people get embarrassed that I ask for peanut butter everywhere I go. I don't care. I need that peanut butter. You'd be surprised how many places don't carry peanut butter, and I say shame on you! Peanut butter is not a mere condiment, it's a necessity at every meal.

Hop on the PB train because it's always movin!

My Peanut Butter Headline:

Peanut Butter: It's not just a hobby, it's a lifestyle.

I am a TRUE Packers Fan

2009-08-19T11:16:00.005-05:00

For the purposes of this blog and the annoyance that stems from hearing his name every .5 seconds, Brett Favre will herein be referred to as "The Traitor"

"If you're a true Packer fan, you understand..." - The Traitor

In spite of what The Traitor thinks, I am a true Packers fan. And, along with all the other complaints I have for him, I resent that he alluded to me NOT being a true fan.

Hello Traitor, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Kate. I've been a Packers fan since I could walk. I've watched or listened to every game since then, and enjoyed every painstaking second of it, even when my team wasn't playing their best. I love my team regardless of whether they're winning or losing, I'm no bandwagon fan. I loved them in 96' when they won the Superbowl, but I loved them just as much before and after that. They may disappoint me at times, but my loyalty never falters. I have always, will always, and presently do love the Green Bay Packers.

How, then, can you be so bold as to tell me I'm not a true fan? Please explain, because I surely don't understand your logic. Is it because you think I was always a Traitor fan first, Packers fan second? In that case, you stand corrected. I was always a Packer fan first, a Traitor fan second. ALWAYS. I apologize for misleading you.

Do you think I'm not a true fan because I believe you to be a self-righteous traitor? I can explain. I believe the Packers helped build you up to what you are today, for better or worse. This is the organization that took a chance on you and then let you run wild during your career. This is the team that encouraged your "boy next door" persona, the reason we Packers fans loved you so much. This is the organization that allowed you to have fun playing the game you say you love so much. It appears that you have forgotten what the Packers have done for you, you only remember what you have done for the Packers. And you remember that while omitting the large supporting cast that surrounded you - staff, coaches, TEAMMATES. You also made yourself believe that you returned just to play the game you love. Interesting, since the only team you want to play for is one of the Packers greatest rivals. Interesting that you would not be so willing to play for any other team in the league.

NFL players move around in the league, I understand that. But you must understand that no matter who comes and goes, the team I'm rooting for is the Packers. A hard-working, community team that makes me proud every football season. I support what the Packers stand for and what they do on the field. I love watching every game they play. I may get angry with them sometimes, but like a true love, I still support them above and beyond any other team. THIS makes me a true Packers fan. You, sir, could learn something about being a true fan.

My True Packers Fan Headline:

Brett Favre: teaching the world that retirement isn't forever.

(But he wears Wranglers and makes jokes, how can you hate a guy like that?)

I Eat Cake for Breakfast

2009-08-05T13:32:00.009-05:00

It's no secret that people love dessert. And if you're one of those freaks, like my boyfriend, who doesn't like dessert, than I think you're an asshole and you should stop reading this post. (I kid, I kid. I don't think my boyfriend is a bad person, I just think if I can force him to like dessert he'll be a better man.)

For those of you who are with me on the dessert loving, this post is merely meant to pay homage to the magnificence that is dessert for breakfast. I'm not talking about grabbing a donut at the office when it's someone's birthday - I mean deliberately waking up and preparing your breakfast with dessert as the main course.

For example, the other week my roommate made an honorary shark cake (promoting her love for Discovery's Shark Week). As she was baking it Monday night, I was already anticipating the piece I would be eating in the morning. In fact, I actually denied the chance to eat a piece that night, opting instead to eat my cake for breakfast. Imagine my excitement Tuesday morning when I woke up and there was a piece of cake all wrapped up on a plate, just waiting for me to dive in!

Now, I don't have any conclusive evidence to back this up, but I think Tuesday was my best day last week. And I think it's because I ate cake for breakfast. I mean, I was really on my game on Tuesday. I got a lot of stuff done.

I'll have to do some more research, but I think I've made it clear that eating dessert for breakfast makes you a better person.

Next up: Breakfast Brownies

My Cake for Breakfast Headline:
Who needs eggs? Pack a few extra calories into your day with dessert for breakfast! It will make an otherwise crappy day seem bright...and you can always work off those extra treats later.

I Am a Library

2009-07-13T15:28:00.004-05:00

You know what I love? Borrowing books from friends. Now, don't worry, I'm not one of those jerks that borrows a book and then never returns it. But, somehow, borrowing a book from a friend is just way better than going to a library. Why, you ask?

First of all, said friend usually brings the book right to you. You don't even have to go out of your way to get it. Some may call this laziness, I just call it smart.

Also, going to the library or a bookstore without any notion of what you want to read is HARD. There are so many books to choose from, it can be overwhelming! At least if you get a book from a friend, you know there's a reason they bought it in the first place. As we all know, this doesn't necessarily mean the book will be good.

In that case, do you know what the best part is? If the book really sucks you can finish it with the satisfaction that your friend was the one that wasted money on the craptastic thing and laugh to yourself about it. (That's another thing, I can't start a book and not finish it. Even if I think it's really terrible. I'll read it all the way through, then complain about how bad it was to the person I borrowed it from, ensuring that they feel really stupid for having bought the book in the first place. I know, it's a bad habit, and kind of mean. Sorry, got a little off topic there.)

When all is said and done, borrowing books from friends rules. You don't have to leave your house to get the book, you don't have to get stressed over which book to pick, and you don't have to be pissed that you bought a book that was really sucks. So, whenever you need a book, give me a call! Just don't tell me my book stinks, because I don't buy boring books.

Need a book? Ask a friend.
Read it through until the end.
If it sucks return it quick
and thank your friend for the nasty trick!

George Michael is Dreamy

2009-07-06T16:22:00.004-05:00

In lieu of the King of Pop's tragic death, I would like to focus on those pop icons that are still living.

Namely, George Michael.

I've had a crush on George Michael since age 5. I've known all the words to Father Figure, Faith, andFreedom since then, mostly due to my mom playing the cassette every day (I even knew I Want Your Sex *gasp* simmer down kids, I never saw the video, I just liked the music). So he doesn't like women. A minor detail. The fact is that he is a beautiful man that makes beautiful music. (Yes, even in the 80's when Wham! was in full force.)

Here are some additional reasons that George Michael is amazing:

No one rocks tight jeans and a well-groomed fu manchu quite like him.
He never overdid Christmas music. I appreciate Christmas songs when an artist sings them during the holidays and is done with it, rather than trying to make millions from a Christmas record year after year.
The man can dance. Enough said.
He came back from the bathroom "lewd act" scandal like a champ. And that was before sex tapes and other vulgar events became a popular way to get famous.
He admits his stupidity when his mistakes make headlines. An admirable trait I think.
He doesn't use his sexuality as a "prop". I never felt he hid the fact that he was gay, nor did he flaunt it. (I blame his producers and record execs for making him sing about women.) He's an entertainer and the fact that he likes men never stopped women from wanting him.
That voice. And that accent (you all know how we American girls love a British accent).
He can sing with Queen and do justice to Freddie Mercury (not to mention rocking duets with Elton John, Paul McCartney, Arethra Franklin, even Beyonce).
George Michael is, was, and will always be HOT!

My George Michael Headline: (from the illustrious words of Adam Sandler)

So hot, want to touch the heinie!

Faith - George Michael

Flying: It's Magical

2009-06-28T15:28:00.007-05:00

I am currently sitting in San Antonio's airport reflecting on how much I love flying. If I could take a plane everywhere I went, I would do it. I mean everywhere. Half-hour drive? No thanks, I think I'll fly.

I always meet interesting people (and of course, sometimes people who aren't so interesting and you wish would just leave you alone so you can read your book. But mostly interesting.) You can spend a lot of time at airports or on planes learning about people's lives, where they're traveling, what they do for a living, etc. Planes are a great place to meet people, even if you're only conversing with them because you're strapped into a tiny seat right next to them. A lot of times you'll find that your fellow passenger is a very interesting person.

I can ALWAYS fall asleep on a plane. Something about being on a plane screams nap to me. It never fails. I am going to be getting on a 45-minute flight from San Antonio to Houston, and I guarantee I will catch some shut eye during that time.

Most importantly, planes are the greatest place for reading. You can get so involved in a book on a plane. You can even be entertained by a magazine or that SkyMall catalog they always put in the seats. I think maybe people like reading so much on planes because it helps the ride go faster, which is generally pretty good motivation to delve into a story.

I think it's important to point out that, whether your plane is delayed or early (yes, I have friends who just told me a story that passengers were complaining that their flight got in EARLY), you can always be amazed by the fact that you are FLYING. Yes. Flying in the air at a great speed. Remember how amazing that is and you will always remember how great it is to fly.

I Hate Wedding Bouquets

2009-05-29T10:14:00.004-05:00

Here's my problem. I am a tall drink of water, taller than every girl at every wedding I've ever attended. Even with my heels off. So, when the bride/bridesmaids/bride's mother forces me to participate in the whole bouquet throwing event, I ALWAYS get the bouquet thrown at me. In reality it's not thrown directly at me, but since I tower over all the other females like King Kong over New York City, I'm always in place to catch those flowers.

In recent years I've come up with the solution of batting the bouquet away from me, perhaps to someone far more excited to catch the magical petals. Although effective, this solution usually draws strange looks from those who don't know me and my dislike for conventional wedding practices. Also, I have a fear of anything that claims to predict my wedding date. I don't even know if I completely believe in marriage, I kind of like Goldie Hawn's reasoning that if you're just dating, you're both choosing to be together instead of feeling forced by marriage. (However, being in an actual adult relationship is making me feel a bit more girly than usual, interesting.)

I'm getting off track. The main point here is that I never want to catch the wedding bouquet and yet am always in the perfect position to get it. It's a dilemma I may never fix. So, if you are one of those women that loves catching the bride's bouquet, stand near me - I'll be sure to bat it your way.

My Anti-Wedding Bouquet Headline:

Scared? Confused? You're not alone.

Millions of wedding bouquets are tossed each year and millions of women get stuck snatching the flowers out of the air. Don't be one of them. Stand up for what you believe in - avoid the bouquet.

I am Anti-Snuggie!

2009-05-22T09:38:00.006-05:00

Alright folks, I know there are a lot of you out there that are in LOVE with the Snuggie.

I don't care.

I'm here to tell you that the Snuggie is the dumbest invention of this decade, possibly century!!!

People, go out and buy a robe, then put it on backwards and voila! You've got yourself a Snuggie. IT'S A BACKWARDS ROBE.

I also have an inherent problem with the Snuggie advertisements. Please be realistic, do you really have such problems moving around when you're using a blanket?! If you are having such a ridiculously difficult time answering the phone or changing the channel on your remote when you have a blanket on your lap, then you need more help than the Snuggie can offer.

Don't get me wrong, there are some pretty dumb inventions out there with some pretty crazy infomercials. But, I can appreciate the ShamWow guy with his hyperactive antics, and I think the Poop-Freeze invention is actually kind of genius. (If you haven't heard of Poop-Freeze, look it up. You'll never have to pick up your dog's squishy dung again.)

Please stand strong and boycott the Snuggie, the most useless invention of our generation. Next time you see it on a Christmas list, or receive one for a birthday, kindly remind your friend or relative that you would prefer a robe, which will provide you with the option of wearing it frontwards or backwards.

My Anti-Snuggie Headline:

I'd rather be naked.

Before you buy a Snuggie, think about the consequences, and about how hard it will be to pee.

I am a Child Leash

2009-05-18T08:30:00.009-05:00

I know there are lots of people out there who think those child leashes/harnesses are completely inhumane and humiliating. For a child, that may be true. I'm still undecided on the subject. However, I am completely pro using a leash for an adult with a tendency to wander.

Yes, an adult. I have known numerous people in my life that enjoyed having a good time, hanging out at a party or bar, then CONSISTENTLY ran away from the group late at night. This is a very dangerous problem to have, especially since all the wanderers I've known have been some of my smallest friends.

It has been tested and proven that the use of a child leash or harness on said wanderers keeps a person where they belong - with their friends and not on the streets. From my experience, the wanderer actually embraced the leash and requested his friends to hang on to it when he felt the wandering itch come scratching at his door. It also proved very effective, keeping this same friend from endangering himself by wandering off.

In conclusion, I think all producers of the child leash or harness should consider making an adult-sized leash as well. Although the child-sized leash worked well for my friend, he would eventually use his superhuman strength to break free, forcing someone to buy him a new one. With a bit more reinforcement I think an adult leash could really hold steady in those tough situations.

My Child Leash Headline:

Drunk wandering isn't a joke.

Tether your friends and keep our streets, and our wandering counterparts, safe.

Have any funny stories?

2009-05-15T09:21:00.002-05:00

First of all, I apologize if you were unable to leave any comments in the past week, the error has been fixed and you can now comment to your heart's content.

On that note, I'd like to hear your funny stories! Although many ridiculous things happen in my life, I'd like to have some back-up stories in case I run into a slump of regularity.

If you have a funny story that you would like me to post as an ad please leave a comment on this post and share it. If I think it will make a funny ad, I'll write about it and give you a shout out for the hilarity that is your life.

I am Anti-Sewer Grate

2009-05-12T08:34:00.010-05:00

Why in the world would anyone be against sewer grates, you ask? Well, you would be too if you saw 5 baby ducklings fall into the deep abyss of the sewer.

It was a simple error in judgement. The mother duck carefully looked both ways, then crossed the street with her ducklings following close behind. On the safety of the empty road, she probably thought nothing could go wrong. She was sorely mistaken.

As she crossed, her large webbed feet made their way over a sewer grate. The ducklings with their little feet followed her, and one by one they dropped into the sewer. Plop, plop, plop, plop, plop. It was a devastating sight to witness.

Over the cries of the ducklings and the mother I realized 3 things:

1) Sewer grates present grave danger to small animals

2) Ducklings are adorable

3) Ducks aren't very bright

Not to worry, animal control came and rescued all ducklings. And they gave the mother a stern talking to about watching where she's going.

My Anti-Sewer Grate Headline:
Holes should be small enough for everyone to use - don't forget about the little people.

I am Childproof Locks

2009-05-10T13:54:00.008-05:00

I would just like to give a vote of confidence to the ability of childproof locks in cars. Technology advancing at its best. In my case, however, these locks proved extremely detrimental to my health - both mental and physical.

Today I was enjoying a nice drive to my parents' house with my older brother. It was nice, until he let out a long and silent bout of gas. At first I laughed, I'm not above a little potty humor. But then I couldn't breathe, and the situation got serious.

As I was gasping for air I tried to roll down the automatic windows, only to find that they were locked. I was being hot boxed in a car full of toxic gas.

My brother continued to laugh while I became ill. I honestly believe I turned green in the face and my mind became foggy. I was about to pass out, groping around for some kind of unlock button. I never found said button and for the life of me, couldn't figure out how to escape. The childproof locks did their job, and they did it well.

My Childproof Locks Headline:
Your passengers can't get out...even when they want to.

Ever been in one of those sticky situations when you need to lock someone inside your car? We've been there too. Now there's a solution. Childproof Locks Inc. Because no one should be able to exit until you tell them to.

I Am the Truth

2009-05-08T10:06:00.009-05:00

Today, I have decided to "Infect truth" so to speak. Although my truth has absolutely no relation to the anti-smoking campaign, I still find the concept of truth to be a very important part of my day.

I took the plunge and told my supervisor at my temp job that even if they offer me a full-time position, I will continue to search for a job that I actually want. (I want an account services job in advertising - good time to be ambitious about my career? Probably not, the eonomy is in the crapper and ad agencies aren't hiring. Aaah, to continue living in my blissful, yet ignorant state of enthusiasm.)

Lucky for me, my supervisor was more than understanding and commended my youth and the fact that I'm not "old and jaded" quite yet. I saw the mockery in her eyes, waiting to jump out at me for being unwilling to accept any old job I can get. Nonetheless, I took the truth plunge and am back on track to find the job of my dreams. Pitching ads to clients, telling creatives either their ads are on strategy or they suck, and generally being the pariah of an agency. Doesn't it sound WONDERFUL?!

My TRUTH headline:
Keep your mindless job and smoke cigarettes.

Focusing on a job that you're passionate about is more detrimental to your health than smoking. The stress of working your ass off will put undue strain on your heart and mind, strain that has greater effects than that of cigarettes. At least that's what Big Tobacco thinks.

I Am Sports Center

2009-05-06T22:09:00.006-05:00

This week, I am a walking ad for Sports Center.

I can't get enough of this show, and because of it I have gotten into debates about Brett Favre everywhere I go. And I mean EVERYWHERE. A softball game, the Y, work, long distance on the phone, at a bar, and even in a women's bathroom. Well, the convo at work just kind of spilled over into the restroom.

Each conversation brought something new to light, but no one has been able to shake my ultimate belief that Favre has become the ultimate douchebag. He may be able to throw the shit out of a football, but accepting a job purely out of spite is childish and douchish. (A new word I've been perfecting, you have to admit it fits perfectly.)

My Sports Center headline:
Sports Center: Because you just can't get enough of this train wreck